Dash and Evie

It has been pointed out to me that I spend a lot more time updating my Facebook page for things my kids say than I do here. That's because while this is a place for news about my writing career, which proceeds at apace until the next play or book gets picked up, the kids say amazing things every day. So, a quick overview of some of the best quotes from Dash (aged 4) and Evie (aged 2):

Taking Jan's calculator from off her desk, Dash said, "Mommy, I need to text someone." And off he went.

DASH: (crying crocodile tears) Daddy, it's not good night. I want you to read me this book – because I DON'T KNOW HOW!!!

DASH: Daddy, I just lassoed a piggy!
EVIE: Daddy, I'm a piggy!

Evie is wandering around the house waving a half-full bottle of Diet Coke in front of her. "Heeere Mommy Mommy Mommy. Here Mommy. Heeere Mommy Mommy Mommy…"

After a Dash/Mommy confrontation in which Dash raises his voice:
ME: Dash, you know that getting mad at Mommy and yelling doesn't make things better, right? They only make things worse, right? (beat) Right?
DASH: Daddy, I can't say right because my tummy tells me that it has no more rights in it.

Jan called from the Megabus. On the speakerphone, Dash heard a male voice on a PA system. DASH: It's Pa! (meaning his grandfather)
ME: It's the bus-driver.
DASH: (heaving a HUGE sigh) Why is it always about the bus-driver?

DASH: (being chastised for not eating, he lays a gentle hand on his mother's arm) I am very angry at the things you are saying.

Evie's had it. She's packing her brother's Thomas the Tank-Engine backpack, and muttering "Trick-or-Treak power. Take train. Ride. Treats." Perhaps because I denied her a marshmallow for breakfast?